Touch of White
by Limitless Musings
Summary: When time and chance eventually collided to provide the opportunity he'd been waiting for.
1. The Girl Next Door

Disclaimer: I don't own jack!

 _Summary:_ When time and chance eventually collided to provide the opportunity he'd been waiting for.

 _Pairing: Ushijima/Kagome_

 _Suggested Listening:_ King by Laren Aquilina

 _ **Touch of White**_

 **Part I** : The Girl Next Door

He ran the same route every single day. Through the town, by the old book store still operated by the Ito family and up the steps to the local shrine. It kept his body in top form. But that wasn't the only thing that his route had done for him.

He spotted her the second she began to wave her arms enthusiastically. Higurashi Kagome. His neighbor for the past several years. He slowed down to a stop in front of her.

"Toshi! Back again?" A bright smile was flashed his way. The daughter of the shrine's monk stood at the top of the steps—clearly awaiting his expected arrival. Ushijima nodded once in response. She continued on, "Good luck today! You've got a tournament, right?" The young woman came to his side. He'd been running this path for several years now. He'd alternate his time and direction occasionally due to weather, but no matter what she was always there when he arrived.

"Yeah. We're heading to the semi-finals." His answer was brief; containing only the information that was needed. This time her smile morphed into an energetic grin.

"Then that means that you're almost there!" She clutched her hand into a fist, pushing it towards him. "I've got faith in you Toshi!" He blinked. Awkwardly, he raised a loosely curled fist. Careful of his own strength, he nudged his knuckles against hers. It was something she'd always done with him.

 _For luck_

She had said. However the truth was simpler. It was a show of support and the gesture was fully appreciated.

"Thank you." Ushijima noticed the proximity between them. There was a short distance that always seemed to separate them. They'd always been fairly close but she and her family were exceptionally welcoming of his presence. "Are you going to watch your prefecture's tournament?" It was a simple question but the undercurrent of his real inquiry laid just beneath the surface. She went to Nekoma and had the same classes as its current Captain. As such, they'd expectedly gotten close over time.

She laughed lightly, "Kuro would probably sulk if I didn't show." He recognized the flush as one when she spoke of someone she liked. In this case it was Kuro Tetsurou. She didn't talk about her love life often, but it became a more frequent topic after she began dating the Nekoma team Captain two years ago. It was likely the longest relationship she'd had since he'd known her.

Ushijima made a noise of understanding. Their conversations usually went like this. She'd greet him, wish him luck and when he'd ask about her life it'd inevitably lead to Nekoma and Kuro. He'd assumed that it was probably her way of attempting to connect to him through the sport he enjoyed.

"Anyways, theirs don't start until next week. So I'll probably drop by later on to cheer for you." Her grin was just as bright as before. "Just don't let the boys know. They'll get upset."

He nodded, the slight edge of his lips quirking upwards. Without fail she also had a habit of 'sneaking' to his games to offer a supportive cheer. As the manager of Nekoma's Volleyball team, it'd stand to reason that they wouldn't be too enthused about her rooting for a possible rival. He rather enjoyed her enthusiasm though. Even above the drowning voices in the background, he could always hear her in from the stands. Always cheering for him and offering support in the moments when their games got difficult. It was nice.

Ushijima politely took the towel she generously offered him. He wiped the sweat from his neck and face briefly, allowing it to hang over his shoulder when he was done. This part of their visit always felt the most natural. It was simple enough. No forced conversations. No talk about Nekoma or Shiratorizawa. It was always just them taking a moment to observe the sky above.

It was overcast today. A dark cloud roamed in the otherwise sea of blue. He closed his eyes to take a breath. It was calming. The breeze picked up into a gentle gust. The scent of rain and jasmine filtered through his senses.

How many years had they'd done this now? Seven? Eight? Or had it been even longer? He couldn't remember. Delicate fingers traced along his curled fist. He loosened his hand to allow her to take hold. He wasn't sure how it'd started. Perhaps it'd been a rainy day. She had always been a bit on edge in their younger years at the first sight of an unusual cloud. What was certain though was the amount of comfort she took in his presence alone. This act was merely the reassurance of their place in each others' lives. They'd never been lovers but they were simply _there_ for each other.

Their fingers intertwined loosely. It was an old habit that hadn't faded through time or other relationships. For just a few minutes each day it was only himself, her and the small space between them. He tried not to dwell on that subject for too long. Instead he focused his attention on the heat of her touch. His brows furrowed slightly.

Kagome's hands were unusually warm today. A sure sign of an impending fever. Ushijima fought the urge to sigh. She shouldn't be going to his game. Not if she were to be coming down with an illness. There'd still be the finals. He could wait to hear her support until _after_ she felt better.

"You should rest." His voice cut through the comfortable silence. It was also part of their routine to go through this. While he'd made a habit of jogging, she'd made a habit of pushing herself beyond her limits.

"How do you always figure me out?" Kagome tipped her head up to smile warmly at him. "It's like you just _know_ when I start feeling a little sick."

An unusual feeling flitted through his stomach. It didn't hurt but he felt at odds with himself. Gently, he curled his fingers over hers a little more tightly.

"Your hand gets warm." He chose to answer her question directly. A light blush went across her face in what he presumed to be embarrassment. Why that might be, he wasn't quite certain. There was nothing to be ashamed of. "We'll win." The young man stated simply. "So rest for now. There's still the next game."

Kagome's smile softened, "Alright I'll go rest." She squeezed his hand a tiny bit. "I'll see you in the finals." With that her fingers fell away. The warmth of her touch was replaced with the slight chill of the breeze.

Ushijima waited until he'd seen her return inside of the shrine, safe from further exposure to the mild elements. For as long as he'd known her, she'd been the type to take to illness easily. A small cold could last for several weeks. Fevers had been a constant battle. Still, she carried on with the same amount of determination. She not only matched her peers but outshined them in many aspects. He'd admit that he felt somewhat concerned when she originally told him that she'd been invited to join Nekoma's Boys Volleyball Team as its manager. He worried that she'd push herself excessively and drive herself back into a constant state of illness like she did during their middle school years. However that wasn't quite what had happened.

He lifted his gaze to the clouded sky. He didn't know much about Kuro. In fact about the only things he did know were what Kagome had told him. What became clear after the first few months of her joining the team was how much the captain watched her for signs of sickness. At the first symptom, he'd promptly send her home for rest. He had taken to keeping a watchful eye on her where Ushijima had been unable to.

His teeth clenched as the thought hit him. In all these years, the gap that separated them still remained. Try as he might, he had no clue of how to close it. The space could take the form of the slight breeze, the small partition between their chairs or even Kuro himself. Regardless there was never a moment in which it wasn't present.

The breeze picked up. It'd be best if he returned home soon. The rain would likely start pouring on his trip to the semi finals.

The spiker's mind summoned the image of Kagome's grinning face and flushed cheeks amongst the crowd of Shiratorizawa supporters. She'd always stand out from the rest. From her exuberant cheers right down to the way she called his name. It was always there for him. He pulled the towel from his neck. He'd have to return it later after the game. He'd use the opportunity to check on her health as well. Otherwise his mind would be distracted during the battle on the court.

Ushijima began to jog back down the shrine steps. He had to focus. He was confident that they'd win against their opponents but he couldn't allow himself to cause his teammates any difficulties along the way. His mind forcefully summoned the image of her smile once more. She'd be waiting for him. That much he knew. For the first time since his days at Shiratorizawa Middle School, he hoped that the game would pass quickly.

Seeing her in the stands during his spikes, hearing her cheer his name at the last point to be scored and feeling her arms around him at the end of a match were what he looked forward to the most. The illness that came and went with its own current had always caused him to worry. It struck with varying degrees without warning. Yesterday she'd been full of life. Smiling, taking his hand gently and offering him her upmost support. Today she looked just a bit paler. The beginnings of a fever colored her cheeks and a small sheen of sweat had covered her forehead.

 _But she still waited_.

His fists clenched as his feet carried him down the shrine with ease. He'd win this game. Just so that he could see her one more time tonight. He wouldn't be satisfied until he did. With that in mind, the young man made his was back where his teammates would be waiting for him. It was time to win.

* * *

Ushijima returned to the shrine steps for the second time that day. The match had gone on for far longer than expected. His eyes narrowed as he began the long stroll up the steep hill. The whole reason he began his jog up this shrine was because it'd been close to home and offered a prime work out routine. He'd done it since his late years in elementary despite his family's protests.

The first time he came, Kagome had been at the top. It'd been an odd meeting with her gazing at the overcast clouds above and a broom three sizes too big clutched between her tiny fingers. He'd been out of breath to boot so his sudden appearance had surprised her.

She'd given him a wide-eyed look. Then a grin spread over her lips as she held out her hand to him. Even now he wasn't sure what'd inspired him to do it, but he'd taken it without hesitation. For several minutes they'd stood together in silence with their hands interlocked. This was how their ritual had been born.

He paused as he came through the shrine's entrance, politely slipping his shoes off in the genkan. Kagome's mother offered a familial greeting, pointing up the stairs towards her daughter's room.

Ushijima nodded once. It was a silent request that he allow her to sleep once he gave his usual greeting. This was also something that he'd done once her health had taken a turn for the worse. Even when she couldn't go see him, he'd return to her home and visit with her. Usually she'd encourage him to open up about how his day went and asked for a play by play of his game; despite already watching it live from her bedroom. The one time he'd asked about it, she'd responded that it was because she always enjoyed hearing things from _his_ perspective. She'd likened to watching a movie from a new angle, making the entire storyline more refreshing.

The spiker gave her door a quick knock.

"Come in," Kagome's voice weakly welcomed him. His brows furrowed into a deep line. Had it already progressed that far? He entered the room with ease, taking in the collection of pictures displayed proudly along her wall. Many were of her and the Nekoma team, but a few more prominent ones were from their youth together. The most notable was of a joint fishing trip their families took together.

They had been in the later half of their elementary days. Kagome had been dwarfed beside him. Buried up to her knees in river water, mud and a dirt caked face. But carried between her spindly arms and his in an awkwardly diagonal angle was a fish that nearly doubled the length of her body at the time. They caught it together with her holding the reel and him pulling the creature out of the water. They released it once they were done but the photo had since hung proudly along her wall with the rest of her important memories.

"How'd it go?" She reached her hand towards his. The young man carefully sank into his usual spot beside her on the bed. He remained sitting up as her head curled to pillow itself upon his hip.

"We won but it was a long game this time." His answer was direct and to the point. His mind remained zeroed in on the slightly labored breaths she took. The fever had worsened. The heat of her hand practically burned into his palm. He only hoped that this one would break by morning.

"I saw," Kagome's smile was tired. It was full of the kindness he'd grown accustomed to but it was clear that she was having difficulty staying awake. "You did great, Toshi."

His free hand brushed a few strands of hair from her face.

"You should rest. Your fever will spike if you don't." He couldn't help but to remind her. A bottle of cold medicine rested upon her nightstand. Beside it was a notebook with a time noted in the middle of the page. Judging by that she would be due for her next dosage in two hours. He'd be home by then, he thought with some reluctance.

"Alright. Night, Toshi." She gave his hand one last squeeze before her eyes slid close. He waited until her breathing became even—a sure sign that she'd fallen asleep.

Even here, he could feel the divide opening up between them. For so long he'd wanted to close it. He'd wanted to reach across the space and fill in the gap.

Ushijima carefully lowered her head back onto her pillow. He still had hold of her hand with his own. They'd always been so warm. Now he just wanted them to feel normal. He wanted to wish away the fevers that plagued her. He extracted his fingers carefully.

The young man glanced down at the woman whom he'd only known as 'the girl next door' for so many years. How long would it take to fill that gap? How much longer would it be before he could _finally_ find the opportunity to do something about it.

His eyes observed the paleness of her pallor. It reminded him too much of her final year in middle school. She'd spent more days lying in bed than she did in school. Still, he'd come by to find textbooks sprawled across her lap and desk. Her assignments would be filled to perfection. She'd always been incredibly intelligent. She had a goal in mind and there wasn't anything in this world that would stop her. It was that very tenacity that sparked his respect.

Ushijima brushed the stray bangs of hair from her forehead for the second time that night. In a single motion he tucked them behind her ear gently. Kagome gave a soft sigh, her lips pulling into a tiny smile.

The gap was real. It was here still in front of him. He splayed his palm over the side of her face. It was still too warm. His thumb followed the curvature of her cheek. She hardly stirred.

The young man leaned over her sleeping form. Just this once he'd close the distance. He'd grasp at the only thing he could.

With gentleness that surprised himself, he pressed his lips to the space above her brow. His eyes slid closed and he held still for only a few seconds. Just once he wished that this illness would disappear. That the space between then would evaporate along with it. A pipe dream, to be sure, but he still wished or it nonetheless. In a breath's moment he drew away.

"Good night." Ushijima finally responded. He stood from his perch. He silently made his was across the room. His hand hovered above the switch to shut off the light. She was pale, sweat upon her brow and her breathing still as labored as before. The one difference was the smile. It was soft and full of the warmth that her dreams provided. His eyes burned the image into his mind. He only hoped that she'd be well by morning, but if not then this image was all that he'd need to power through the finals against Karasuno tomorrow. In a quick motion he shut off the light. Leaving the shrine for the final time that night.

Tomorrow he'd earn his victory. Just as he'd promised.


	2. Longing

Disclaimer: I don't own jack!

 _Suggested Listening:_ King and Lionheart by Of Monsters and Men

 _ **Touch of White**_

 **Part II** : Longing

Ushijima carefully treaded into Kagome's room. The sun was only just barely beginning to peak. He'd decided to return in the morning to check up on her. Try as he might, he could not get the image of her lying sick in bed out of his mind. This would be the third time this year. Was it another flare up? They often occurred in intervals of three before expounding into a severe onset. A sinking feeling settled into his stomach. He hoped not.

The young man casually slid his jacket from his shoulders and hung it on her desk chair. She was awake, but just barely. He didn't want to cause her any more stress than necessary. For now he'd keep this visit brief. He'd have more time after the game.

"Toshi?" Her voice was weak in comparison to yesterday. She was usually a slow riser in the mornings, so he wasn't sure if it was exhaustion or illness that caused the change in her tone. Regardless he snapped to attention.

"It's me." Ushijima came to a stop at her bedside. The young woman lifted her hand. Her palm splayed out towards him, reaching for him much the same way they'd always done at the top of the shrine's stairs. He carefully took hold of her hand, curling his fingers loosely around it.

She was still too warm.

His brows furrowed in concern. Her fever hadn't broken during the nigh. This would make it the second day that she was sick. He'd have to be more careful in watching her. Had she pushed herself too much with Nekoma's Volleyball Club? Kuro was usually extreme in watching for her, but had he been too distracted with the Spring Tournament? His brows knotted together even more steeply. This wasn't good.

The young man sunk carefully into the spot beside her. Much like the previous night, she sat up enough to rest her head upon his shoulder. He felt the brief inhale and exhale of her breath upon his neck. Warmth and the taste of salt flashed in his mind before he could shut it down.

"Sorry, I don't have much energy today." A kind smile spread across her lips. "Kaa-chan said that I couldn't leave bed today." He felt her index finger rub circles over his knuckles absentmindedly. He returned the favor with his thumb. It was the reassurance he didn't know he needed. "I wanted to go but it looks like I'm under house arrest today." She sat up to tip her chin up towards him. "I'll still be cheering for you, 'kay?"

Ushijima nodded once, "You always do." She wouldn't be there. That thought ran through his head more times than he cared to admit to. He wouldn't hear her cheering. He wouldn't be able to see her face. Nor would he be able to feel her as wrapped around his middle after their victory. He leaned down and pressed his forehead to her shoulder wordlessly. He'd have to imprint this in his memory for now. That way he could carry it with him through the game.

"One time?" The young man asked softly. She already knew what he was requesting. In all their years together, Kagome had made a habit of sending him off with a bright grin and positive optimism. He'd never been the type to doubt himself. It was just that her enthusiasm always seemed to give him the extra boost of confidence he needed. Today was no different.

"Good luck, Toshi." She brought her free hand to rest on the side of his face affectionately. "You know I believe in you." Ushijima sighed. He couldn't misunderstand. This wasn't an act of romantic interest. She already had someone that she was dating. He couldn't cross that gap. Especially not while she was ill.

His eyes closed as he took in her scent. This was as close as he could get to truly holding her. So he'd take the opportunity as far as he could. His other palm cane to rest over her wrist, trailing his fingers along the softness of the skin.

Sometimes he wondered what it'd be like. Touch was common place in their relationship. Kagome used it as a means to feel connected with other people. She held hands with her friends frequently and he knew her to be quite affectionate with everyone she was close to.

That didn't stop him from wanting their connection to be just a tiny bit more special though. He'd seen a few guys revolve in and out of her life as her significant other. Thus far Kuro was the only one to last so long. He brushed his fingers over her wrist again. What would it be like?

"Toshi, you feeling nervous?" He felt more than heard her words. The captain sighed through his nose. He wasn't nervous about the game. He was certain that victory would be his on this day. But that didn't stop the edging of concern he felt whenever he saw her like this. Her skin had become so pale. Her limbs felt weak beneath his touch and he knew that she was drawing to the end of her energy to keep up with this conversation. His eyes moved to her clock. Plus, he too was running out of time.

"Not really. I should go, though." Reluctantly he withdrew his hands.

Kagome met his gaze as he moved back into a proper sitting position, "I'll be rooting for you from here." Her smile grew impossibly warm.

 _He wanted to stay_.

"I know you can do it."

Ushijima gave her a small but brief smile in return. Before he stood, he tilted his head and pressed his lips against her temple affectionately. It'd be the only time he could do it. So do now he'd take that small chance. He withdrew slowly, taking a small amount of masculine pride in the flush that crossed her cheeks. That time it wasn't related to the fever. _It'd been him_.

"Get some rest." With that the young man dawned his Volleyball jacket and made his way out of the shrine. He had a game to win.

* * *

How had he missed it? Ushijima trudged back up the stairs of the shrine. He'd been so confident. He'd had so much faith in his own abilities, but he missed the opponent that had been standing right in front of him.

 _He'd lost._

They hadn't even secured their position in the Nationals, but were defeated by upstarts in the Miyagi Prefecture. The crows of Karasuno had earned their wings and now he was left with a dawning reality.

This had been his final game and Kagome hadn't been able to attend. That thought hit him harder than the defeat itself. He wanted to see her. Even for just a few minutes. He _needed_ to see her.

All of his life he'd been _her_ pillar of support. She'd gone through so many rough periods between illnesses and bullying. She fought hard just to be where she was today, but every now and then she required his support to help her get moving again. Now, he suddenly felt the urge to feel the same.

The whole game the image of her lain sick in bed with her hair fanned across her pillows haunted his mind. He'd seen her at her worst. The last time her fevers persisted for this long was in her final year of middle school. Before hand they would break intermittently.

 _He needed to see her_.

Perhaps if he just saw her face, then the bitterness that ate away at him would dissipate.

Ushijima crested the top of the stairway. She wasn't there. Silently, he made his way through the shrine and up the familiar staircase. He bypassed the walls lined with pictures of their memories together. Was she still sick? His feet carried him faster.

The captain briefly paused at the threshold of her door. He lifted his hand and rapped at the wood twice.

"Come in, Toshi." Came Kagome's quiet response. She knew that it was him. Maybe by his footsteps or by his timing; all he knew was that he was glad for that much.

Ushijima cracked the door open. She was no longer laying in bed like she was this morning. Now she was dressed in her favorite pair of sweat pants and tank top; perched at the edge of her desk.

She smiled at him. This one was just as warm as the others but it was twinges with something bittersweet.

The young woman pushed herself off of the desk. She met him halfway across the room. As he stretched out his hand to take hers, she opened her arms to wind them around his neck. His eyes widened at the small amount of force she used to pull him down to her.

"You did good." She pressed her lips against his ear, whispering the words she knew he needed to hear.

He closed his eyes. Instinctively his arms went around her tiny form; nearly engulfing her completely. In this instance the gap that separated them was temporarily lifted. He pressed his face into the crook of her neck. He wasn't used to this. Not the defeat or such a physical show of comfort. It was refreshing in its own bittersweet way.

The first thing the captain noticed was how significantly cooler her skin seemed to be in comparison. Her fever had broke. Relief flushed through his system at that realization. She'd be fine.

"There's still more games, you know." He felt her hands massage at his scalp. His grip on her grew a bit tighter. "We're going to the same college after all."

That time he couldn't help the small smile. Judging by the way her hands trailed through his hair, he assumed that she could feel it too.

"That we are." Ushijima chose to respond. The results had come in just a couple of weeks prior. They'd applied to several colleges and he'd bee granted a scholarship based on his prowess in Volleyball. They'd both gotten accepted to the same university. While he was going to continue to pursue his passion in the sport, Kagome was attending to pursue her dream of becoming an educator. It suited her well.

"Love you, Toshi." The moment she spoke those words, he knew that he was lost. She'd said them often—simply a show of her familial affection towards him. However the effect it'd had was monumental.

 _He loved her_.

He had for a long time as well. She didn't return his feelings so he fought to remain as an important friend by her side.

Ushijima nodded and gave a small grunt in response. His hand moved to tangle in her hair. He splayed his open palm across the small of her back, pulling her frail form flush against his own. The gap was gone. She was here in his arms. His brow twitched as her phone began to vibrate.

 _She wasn't his_.

The young man reluctantly loosened his hold over her. Kagome tightened her arms around his neck one last time before allowing them to fall away. However she did not step away. Her hands lifted to grasp at his face gently.

"I believe in you."

She said it so often. His lips quirked upwards in a tiny smile.

That was all he needed.


	3. All I Need

Disclaimer: I don't own jack!

 _Suggested Listening:_ Colors by Halsey

 _ **Touch of White**_

 **Part III** : All I Need

Ushijima stood beside Kagome. She kicked her feet uncomfortably from the elevated seat in the doctor's office. Her family had been unable to attend this appointment with her today so she'd asked if he'd be willing to go with her. There wouldn't be any more official practices since their loss, so he agreed. What had taken him by surprise was when her hand had curled around his sleeve in a silent request that he follow her to the back.

Her mother usually went with her on these occasions so it'd stand to reason that she'd want someone with her that she trusted. He took her hand within his. He felt her fingers curl loosely around his own.

 _She was scared_.

He could see it in the paleness of her cheeks. She bit into her bottom lip harshly. The fear she felt was etched in the slight tearing of her skin from the abuse. Instinctively, his free hand lifted. He hadn't thought for a second about what he was doing. Only that he simply wanted her to stop. So he cupped his hand around her chin and softly brushed his thumb over her lip.

"You'll make yourself bleed." Ushijima added helpfully.

Kagome blushed heavily. Azure eyes stared up at him in shock. In that moment he'd realized what he'd done; what he was _still_ doing. His thumb traced the soft flesh of her lip a second time.

 _What would it be like?_

The spiker retracted his hand at the sound of approaching footsteps. Now wasn't the time. His eyes shifted towards the door. His fingers that still held her hand gripped at her just a bit tighter. For just a second, she'd seen _him_. Not just a friend or a neighbor, but as someone entirely _separate_ from that identity. The barest hint of a smile pulled at his lips. That was enough for him to hope.

"Higurashi," An elderly man greeted her warmly as he stepped into the room. "You're looking much healthier this time." She shifted beside him, nodding once in response. Her face was still flushed from his proximity. She really was cute in her own way. The young man used his thumb to massage the skin over the back of her hand reassuringly.

The doctor opened her file and quickly his expression pulled into a steep frown, "You've been keeping up with your medicine, correct?"

She nodded again, "I have a schedule that I use so I won't forget."

Ushijima remained silent. He listened to the way they spoke carefully. He'd been keenly aware of her diagnosis since her early years in middle school. She'd had so many ups and downs back then that it'd been hard for her to just feel 'normal'. She'd been pretty steady in her health in these recent months however her fever the other day was a cause for concern. His grip tightened minutely. He'd be beside her so long as she needed him.

"Hm, I'll amp up the dosage. How's your exercise been?" The elderly man peered at her from over his full moon spectacles. "Have you been doing the routine as suggested? Both diet and exercise are important for managing Lupus."

Kagome's expression soured, "I'd been doing well with the exercise until a couple of weeks ago. After that my energy just sort of disappeared. It's taxing just to do the normal things right now." She met the doctor's piercing gaze. "I have maintained a good diet though. So I don't think that's the issue."

He removed his glasses and sighed, "We'll try a higher dosage on your current prescription to see if that'll help with your sudden lethargy." He scratched at his chin thoughtfully. "Have there been a few other symptoms? Illness, nausea or fevers?"

She looked away, "Three fevers. Two were mild and one moderate."

Ushijima felt his stomach knot. Which meant that the most recent one was the moderate. When had the other fevers occurred? He couldn't quite remember noticing anything different.

"Alright, we'll leave you on this for a month. It could be your Lupus is becoming aggressive again." The short, balding man closed her folder. "Give me a call if you start to notice any other symptoms. You've been doing a good job managing things until now. So we just have to keep that up."

Kagome briefly smiled at the kindly doctor, "Of course."

His white lab coat rustled as he stood, "Your bill was already taken care of so you're free to go. I'll forward your new prescription to your pharmacy. Start taking them tomorrow morning."

Ushijima helped her to her feet. He noted with no small amount of interest the way her hands braced themselves against his bicep and chest so as to not fall over. It felt nice.

"Thanks Toshi," Her face was still flushed. Her hands moved to retract away but he gently tangled their fingers together once more. If possible, her cheeks turned a deeper shade of scarlet. He liked that look on her. More so because _he'd_ been the one to put it there as well.

The young man led her out of the office and down the block to the train station. The real reason why she needed someone to come with her was due to her recent lack of energy. She could hardly go half an hour without getting drained. His only goal was to act as her guide and self-appointed body guard to ensure that she made it to and from the office safely. It'd only be a matter of minutes before she'd fall asleep.

As expected, the second they took their seats her eyes slid closed and her body fell into his arm.

"Wake me when we get there." Kagome muttered into his shoulder. She turned her torso to bury herself further into him. "I'm exhausted."

He calmly lifted his arm to allow her to curl up against his side. Her face burrowed into the crook of his neck; the heat of her breath warming it in a slow and even pattern. His mind threatened to traverse dangerous territory.

 _Now wasn't the time_.

Ushijima glanced out the window the second the train began to move. This wouldn't last more than an hour. This wasn't about anything other than giving her the comfort she needed to rest. Still, his arm pulled her a bit closer, he didn't want to change a thing. For now this was enough.

Kagome tucked her arms by his side as she curled her legs, almost resting them upon his thigh. She was out cold. Judging by the looks from the other passengers, they likely appeared to be an overly affectionate couple. Not that he'd complain. He moved his hand to massage at the space behind her ear. It always worked to calm her down when she over stressed herself. It was likely the very _thought_ of going to the doctor's had caused her some significant amount of stress.

The spiker's expression soured. How would she handle college? Unless she had a home within a fifteen mile radius of the campus, she'd be forced into a dorm. That wasn't necessarily a _bad_ thing but she'd always had the habit of pushing herself too far. Even with the collective efforts of her parents, Kuro and himself, she _still_ managed to find ways to wind herself up. She needed someone that could keep an eye on her for elevated stress levels. Otherwise she'd fall back into a state of decline like the one she experienced in middle school.

His hand stopped. Would she be alright? It wasn't as if he could watch her every day. Not only was that impossible but even if he'd _tried_ she'd likely get sick of an overbearing presence. Said woman nuzzled into his neck a bit further; hiding away from the bright rays of the sun. The soft scent of jasmine filtered through his senses. His shoulders relaxed. He'd have to talk to Kagome and her family about this. She _needed_ someone to help her. Not an overwhelming presence but a person that could get her to rest when needed and to remember when to take her medicine. Otherwise she'd run herself ragged.

His eyes began to close. He'd think about that later. For now he'd just focus on her. Ushijima rested his cheek upon the crown of her head. For now this would be enough. Moments like these were all he needed.


	4. Friends?

Disclaimer: I don't own jack!

 _Suggested Listening:_

 _ **Touch of White**_

 **Part IV** : Friends?

Ushijima stretched his legs over Kagome's mattress. They'd made it back fairly quickly. She'd slept through the entire train ride and so he'd been forced to carry her back to the shrine. They'd received a few odd looks but he didn't mind. He'd chosen to remain beside her for the next few hours until her family would return home. He felt uncomfortable leaving her by herself while she was this exhausted.

The young woman sighed contentedly. She pressed her cheek further against his hip as her hands curled together on top of his thigh.

In moments like these he often lost track of himself. She wasn't his girlfriend. They weren't dating. In fact about the only thing he could say with confidence was that they were friends. His brows furrowed.

 _Friends._

That very word was beginning to mock him. Portraits from their youth decorated the walls. Images from past camping trips, important milestones and simple moments of their lives were on display around them. Kagome had cherished the time they'd spent together, but did that mean the same thing as cherishing _him_? There was a vast difference in the way he felt for her and how she viewed him. It was a gap that not even this physical closeness could bridge.

 _He wanted her._

So desperately he yearned for her eyes to only see him. His gaze drifted to the soft smile played upon her lips. Yet she was focused on another. Ushijima blinked as her phone began to vibrate. His eyes drifted to the device. Kagome had silenced it for her appointment. She'd had enough energy to set it face up on her desk before she'd tucked herself against him and promptly fell back to sleep. His gaze remained locked on the image flashing on the screen.

It was Kuro.

For the briefest of moments he felt the urge to answer it. He wasn't sure why either. By habit his palm reached for the phone. Then he stopped. His fingers twitched just above the object. It would be rude to take a call meant for her. Not to mention the fact that Kuro likely only knew the bare minimum of his connection to her. They'd never really interacted much aside from volleyball. He didn't know anything about the guy other than how he played and what she had mentioned. He hesitated.

If her boyfriend didn't know about him, then hearing him answer would only cause her issues. Picking up now would likely only complicate things for Kagome. It could cause tension in what was an otherwise happy relationship. He wouldn't let his jealousy come between that. Ushijima retracted his hand away. His fingers curled loosely into his palm.

The phone ceased its vibrations. The screen went dark before a notification for the missed call lit up. He felt out of place. As if his position in this setting suddenly didn't match up.

The young woman beside him shifted. A slight moan passed through her lips. He caught sight of her hand pulling further under her chin. His mind summoned the image of those pink-tipped nails raking down his back. Her mouth beside his ear and the sound of his name falling from her lips in a rhythm that he controlled.

Ushijima's felt his face heat with a rare flush. It'd been happening a lot more in these recent weeks. The end of the school term was drawing near. The anxiousness of that unknown factor had been looming over their heads. He still didn't know what would happen once they left. Kagome was likely to move into a dorm with a roommate unfamiliar with her medical problems. School would be difficult enough to manage, but what would happen if she was forced to live with someone who only would agitate her condition? Would it be safe? Or would it be better to live on her own in an apartment?

"Toshi?" She sat up slowly. Azure eyes blinked, taking in their surroundings. "When'd we get home?"

A small smile tugged at his lips, "About an hour ago." Her shoulder leaned into his arm heavily. She wobbled from side to side, attempting to regain her balance. "You were tired." The spiker noted observantly. His index finger reflexively moved to push a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

Kagome flushed in embarrassment, "I can't help it! Those appointments always drain me to absolute zero!" She tucked her legs under herself. She braced her palms on her thighs as her brows furrowed with a slight pout. His hand lowered but did not fall away completely. His eyes lingered on the slight blush upon her cheeks. He always loved these simple moments of intimacy. It denoted the amount of trust she had in him and that was something he would _always_ cherish regardless of the label of their relationship.

"It's fine." Ushijima relaxed his shoulders. "You needed the rest." The young woman pursed her lips in response.

"Yeah but you had to carry me back. That's so not fair to you." Kagome dropped her eyes to her thighs, her head shaking back and forth.

"I didn't mind." His thumb and index finger cupped her chin for the second time that day. "Your health was my top priority." That wasn't a lie either. She _was_ his top priority in many ways. It was her face that always came to mind when his games got difficult. It was her voice that would ring out the clearest amongst the crowds. It was her simple gestures of touch that offered the most reassurance. Many times he had imagined her lying beneath him, her hands clutching at his back and his name upon her lips in heated whispers.

Ushijima shook the thought from his mind. He was forgetting himself again. This position, this setting. All of it was out of place. He couldn't push these boundaries. Kagome trusted him more deeply than anyone else. He had to value that aspect of their bond.

"Toshi…" Kagome caught his gaze, "You don't have to do this." There it was. No matter how sick she was, she always thought of him first. That was why he felt so uneasy about leaving her on her own. She could see someone else's suffering a mile away but never bat an eye at her own. He _wanted_ to help her and there was nothing that would ever change that.

Ushijima brushed the pad of his thumb over the flesh of her bottom lip a second time that day. He tipped his head closer towards her so that she would on focus on what he had to say next.

"Yes I do." His tone was gentle yet firm. Full of the determination that he felt in regard to this matter. He wanted to say something more but his words failed him. What could he do? What _should_ he do? The young woman braced her palms against his chest for support. His mind only registered the warmth of her hands as his head angled towards her instinctively. His free hand dropped to the small of her back, pushing her further into him. His mouth lowered onto hers gently.

He shouldn't be doing this. She wasn't single. Not to mention that his only job was to ensure her comfort and safety. His own desires had no part in this. Still, his slid closed as he pressed his lips against hers with a little more force, he couldn't bring himself to regret it.

Kagome had gone stiff within his arms. Her breathing came to a stop. It was only when he encouraged her to join him that he felt the rhythmic rise and fall of her breath beneath his fingers. His hand twitched. How long had he wanted this? How long had he hoped for this single opportunity? Yet, he drew away, placing one final kiss upon her lips as he did so. Perhaps this was bad timing.

"I'm here. That will never change." The words came out faster than he could think about them. They were pure truth. His head dipped for the second time. She was still stiff within his grip. Her fingers had curled tightly into the cloth of his shirt. He was so painfully aware of her proximity at that moment. Just a few centimeters. That was all that separated them.

Ushijima pressed his mouth to hers one final time. In that second something changed between them. The hands that had been clutching at his shirt stiffly shifted to wind around the base of his neck. Delicate fingers buried themselves in his hair affectionately. This was wrong. He knew that. He was fully aware that what he was doing now could be seen as him simply taking advantage of her exhausted state.

Still no matter how many times he told himself to pull away, he kept finding himself drawn to her. This kiss was both slow and full of the raw yearning he'd felt for so many years. Within the slight pressure of her lips, he felt that similar longing within her too.

"Toshi…" Kagome whispered his name between breaths. "We can't…" He felt her trembling. She was nervous. Ushijima parted from her.

"I know," The young man rested his forehead against hers. She was right. They _couldn't_ do this. She was dating another man. His arm instinctively tightened around her waist. The spiker knew that his jealousy was unfounded. They'd never been anything more than friends. He was placing her in a bad position. She was stressed enough as it was, she didn't need him to complicate that further.

His eyes dropped to the slight swell of her parted lips. Why was it still so _difficult_? His grip tightened momentarily. He was selfish.

 _He wanted her for himself._

Ushijima felt a reluctance he never had before. He'd always been decisive and concise. Questioning himself had never been an issue he'd had before. The young man took a breath through his nose. Slowly, he lowered his arms away from her.

"I placed you in an unfair position." He met her flushed face seriously. "I apologize." He would not apologize for kissing her though. That was something he'd _never_ regret. He only wished that he'd been able to maintain his control for a better time.

Ushijima splayed his palm over the soft flesh of her cheek, "Get some rest. You're starting to look a little red." The spiker's lips quirked upwards.

Kagome blinked then she pointed an accusatory finger towards him, "But that's _your_ fault and you now it!" Azure eyes widened drastically. "Wait, did you just _tease_ me?!"

The young man felt his smile soften, "Sleep." He gently pushed at her shoulders to encourage her to lay back. With great reluctance she did as he requested. Her face still flushed and an incredulous look overtaking her features. It was cute.

"I'll get my revenge, Toshi." Kagome pointed at him again from her spot upon the bed. "Mark my words."

He took up his usual spot beside her. In a single motion he picked up his book that he'd set against her nightstand.

"Yeah," Ushijima responded without much enthusiasm. "I look forward to it." With that he opened up to the dog-earned page, unfolded the small flap before continuing where he'd left off. He supposed that he could've handled that with a bit more tact. But the chance to see her flustered had spurred him on. Even if she couldn't be his, even if they were stuck as _friends_ , he'd do what he could to keep seeing that expression upon her face.

His lips turned upwards as she curled against his lap. Things were _different_. But perhaps that change was what they'd needed the most? He turned the page of his book to the next chapter. At least now he was no longer hiding. That was something he couldn't regret. Ushijima dropped his hand into her hair, gently rubbing the pads of his fingers over the space behind her ear. For now this was enough.


End file.
